Тяжкое бремя обиды

У погранично организованной личности обиды могут длится годами. Происходит это в силу того, что пограничная личность состоит из двух частей: детской и взрослой. Детская очень большая и вся власть принадлежит ей. Взрослая маленькая, но достаточная для того, чтобы функционировать в обществе достаточно эффективно.
Обида - это первая попытка ребенка установить границы: "я не хочу, чтобы со мной так поступали". И в семье, когда ребенок маленький и зависит от действий взрослых, но пока еще не может ясно выразить свои желания вербально, обида используется для того, чтобы их донести. Вот в этой стадии и застревает "большой ребенок" пограничной личности. Его обида не трансформируется в четкое послание. Происходит это в силу того, что родители не поддерживают самостоятельность ребенка и не учат его вербально выражать свои желания и не желания, потому как сами этого не умеют. Инфантильная обида - семейная традиция.
Если самостоятельность поддерживается, если ребенок научается четко выржать свои желания, потребность в обиде отпадает.
Далее, у биологически взрослого ребенка-пограничной личности, обида начинает играть функцию требования: я не перестану на тебя обижаться, пока ты не изменишь своего поведения. В результате человек может страдать от обид всю жизнь. Огромная часть психосоматических заболеваний является следствием вот таких инфантильных обид.
Другой человек изменит свое поведение только если захочет сам, и поэтому обижаетесь вы или нет, это ровным счетом ничего не меняет. Если это осознать, можно перестать отравлять себе жизнь и болеть.

гештальт-терапевт
Раздел: Развитие личности
 

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