Забота здоровая и не очень

Заботиться о других - это прекрасно. Забота это хороший способ показать, что другой важен для нас и это одна из важных составляющих в близких отношениях.
Тем не менее, не смотря на всю “красоту” акта заботы о другом человеке, с психологической точки зрения, забота бывает здоровой и не очень здоровой.
Нездоровая забота предполагает формулу, согласно которой “в один и тот же момент я могу заботиться либо о своих интересах, что эгоистично, либо о твоих, что похвально”. Заботящийся видит ситуацию как “или твои интересы или мои” и выбирает “твои”, как более важные. Такая забота предполагает непременную жертву своими интересами, восприятие своих и чужих интересов, как конфликтных и несовместимых по сути.
Нездоровая забота мотивирована, с одной стороны, чувством собственной ущербности, отсутствием “легального” права заботиться о себе без чувства стыда или вины.
Избыток самопожертвования, характерный для нездоровозаботящихся, часто встречается у тех людей, которые обременены хроническим чувством вины и/или собственной никчемности. И акт заботы, в основе которого лежит такое самопожертвование, есть способ хоть как-то поправить самооценку.
С другой стороны, как это ни парадоксально, нездоровозаботящийся склонен чувствовать собственную значимость, принимая на себя ответственность за жизнь другого человека. А порой, не принимая, а отнимая у другого ответственность за жизнь этого другого. Он испытывает острую необходимость быть большим и важным в глазах других людей.

Нездоровая забота:
- заботящийся хронически жертвует своими интересами;
- заботящийся заботится так, как считает нужным, без учета того, в чем действительно нуждается тот, о ком заботятся;
- заботящийся заботится преодолевая “нет” жертвы своей заботы, когда жертва в заботе не нуждается и даже противодействует ей;
- значимые интересы заботящегося откладываются на потом, как незначимые;
- заботящийся воспринимает свои интересы как эгоистичные;
- заботящийся знает лучше, что именно нужно тому, о ком он заботится;
- заботящийся относится к своему подопечному с жалостью, как к слабому, несостоятельному, недоделанному.
- заботящийся испытывает неловкость, стыд или вину, когда ему нужно, отказать другим людям, сказать “нет”;
- заботящийся чувствует свою ценность лишь при условии выполнения некоей функции для другого/других, словно это главное мерило его ценности.
Здоровая забота
Подразумевает внимание к чувствам другого человека. Заботящийся беспокоится о том, чтобы забота была принята легко. Чтобы тот, кто принимает помощь и заботу, не чувствовал себя слабым и недоделанным.
Означает понимание потребностей другого человека и усилия в реализации его потребностей. Заботящийся исходит из того, что тот, о ком он заботится, лучше знает, что ему нужно.
Является естественным проявлением значимости другого. Если другой важен для нас, мы заботимся о нем.
Подразумевает уважение к тому, о ком заботишься. Восприятие другого как равного, насколько это возможно.
Один из кирпичиков в фундаменте близких отношений.

гештальт-терапевт
Раздел: Развитие личности
 

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